The following piece was published this morning in the Concord Monitor. I am sure most of you will recognize the characters. Hope you have some fun with it. If you know a Congressperson please don't hesitate to forward it to him or her. They need some help.
How to Fix Congress
I spend a lot of time thinking like a ten-year-old. Not only does my wife tell me that I often am a ten-year-old, but it is part of the job requirement in getting in touch with the characters in my children’s books.
Recently, I was settling into my title character to work on a new part of a future book, when I began to think about the upcoming election and how totally inept our Congress seems to have become. I wondered what little Glenn might have to say if he were asked how to fix the seeming inability of Congress to function.
The following might have been some of his solutions:
1) I think we should make all the Congress people sit together like they do in school. Miss Fernapple said all the boys can’t sit on one side and the girls on the other. She says that would be segregation and she mixes us all up with each other. Now I have to sit next to Snobby Donna and even do some projects with her. She’s still a stinky tattle-tale, but I don’t put cockroaches in her locker anymore. If all the Republicans and Democrats had to sit next to each other, maybe they would do better on projects too.
2) All the Congress people should have to go to lunch together and eat the same stuff that they serve us at school. I bet they would get tired of the turnip salads and tofu burgers real fast, and maybe then they would bring back pizza and chocolate chip cookies, and be in a better mood to work together.
3) Congress people should have homework just like we do. Maybe if they had assigned homework they would read their bills before they pass them. I think civics and geography homework would also be good for them.
4) I think they should have to ride to and from work on school buses. Those seats are really uncomfortable, there are no seat belts, and the shock absorbers are so bad that they would soon vote to fix the roads and bridges. Buses would also probably cut down on traffic and pollution in Washington, and make parking easier. There might be some bullying on the buses, but Mr. Mullins would fix that fast.
5) Miss Fernapple makes all of us turn off our phones in class. I think this would be a good idea for Congress, too. My dad says that if the Congress people actually had to listen to all the stupid speeches they make down there, maybe some of them would shut up.
6) They should require better attendance. I get detention every time I skip a class. I think Congress people should too, unless they have a note from a responsible person.
Good luck finding one of those in Washington.
Glenn K. Currie
Mr. Currie is the author of A Boy’s First Diary and Surviving Seventh Grade in which these characters deal with many of the real and important issues in life.(www.snapscreenpress.com).
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